


Cryptid Hunter

by finalfrontierpioneer



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Monster Hunters, M/M, like a tv show, like that you would see on the discovery channel, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-11-07 18:52:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11065038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/finalfrontierpioneer/pseuds/finalfrontierpioneer
Summary: Basically a million times Michael’s new job sucked and 1 time it should have but didn’t





	1. Meeting the Crew

**Author's Note:**

> It starts off a bit slow, I think. Also I only rated it teen and up bc of language- lots of cussing in here. I'll tag things as they come up, but I haven't finished it just yet!
> 
> Updates maybe every Thursday?

Michael took a deep breath and followed Geoff through the open door. He already had the job, but he was a little nervous about getting along with his future co-workers.

“Alright, assholes, listen up!” He almost ran smack into Geoff’s back when the older man suddenly stopped in the middle of the room. Geoff turned around and motioned for Michael to move up next to him. “This is Michael Jones, the new co-host of Cryptid Hunter.” He slapped Michael on the back and turned to the four other men in the small room, who were now all staring at them. 

Michael recognized all of the guys from the show, but hadn’t actually met them. He wondered how close to their onscreen personalities they actually were. 

“Fresh meat, eh?” The voice came from the man sitting on the single white couch in the room. In jeans and a t-shirt, and headphones around his neck, he shouldn’t have been intimidating. But his sharp grin said otherwise. Michael gulped; Ryan’s onscreen persona was kinda intense.

“Well thank you Ryan for starting off the introductions.” Geoff was unfazed. “Asshole #1 is Ryan Haywood- sound guy, evil genius, blah blah blah.” He waved his hand in the air.

“So you’re the one who’s gonna be hazing the shit out of me, I assume?” Michael joked. 

Ryan’s grin faded into something more attractive as he stood to offer Michael a handshake. “Already prepared; that’s good.” He nodded approvingly before sitting back down. 

Geoff pulled his attention away from Ryan and pointed him toward a dark-haired guy with glasses around Michael’s age. “Next up is Ray Narvaez, he’s our backup camera guy slash jack of all trades.” 

Michael knew exactly who Ray was (maybe a little too well). He tried to discreetly wipe his sweaty palms on his jeans as they walked toward Ray’s desk.

“Annnnd he’s single,” Ray himself jumped in, posing in his chair with a fist under his chin and an exaggerated wink at Michael. It startled a genuine laugh out of Michael, and managed to dispel his nerves a little.

“Not for long,” he teased back, holding out his hand to shake. Ray laughed and enthusiastically shook his hand. 

“Yeah, no- no office romances allowed,” Geoff said mock-sternly. 

“Unless your dick is the one getting sucked, right boss?” Ray fired back after turning back to the computer screen in front of him, where he appeared to be editing some footage of...bigfoot? Michael didn’t ask. 

“Speaking of dicks, that brings us to Gavin Free,” Geoff flipped off the back of Ray’s head. The young guy at the desk next to Ray’s spun his chair around and smiled widely up at the both of them. “As you already know from seeing the show, this British dick is our main cameraman,” he gestured toward the two huge ass video cameras taking up much of the desk, “and don’t let that smile fool you, he’s as much of an asshole as anyone else in this room.” 

Gavin pouted at Geoff. “Takes one to know one, Geoffrey.” Geoff mock pouted right back at him. Gavin rolled his eyes and looked at Michael. “I’ll do my best to get your good side, mate. Unfortunately Geoff here just doesn’t have one,” he shook his head sadly. Michael grinned- Gavin sniping at Geoff was just so in character.

“Hey!” Geoff flicked him in the ear. “All of my sides are good sides.”

“Ow! You’re so abusive!” Gavin accused. “Look forward to that Michael, he’s your co-host.” Geoff yanked playfully on Gavin’s artfully mussed hair before turning toward the last man in the room.

“Now, last and most definitely least is Jack Patillo, who you have actually already met.” The man in question had a full red beard and glasses, and appeared to be nearer to Geoff and Ryan’s age. Michael did remember him from the initial interview- he was the producer of the show or some shit, Michael didn’t remember his exact title.

“Hey fuck you, ‘ most definitely least’, I’ll remember that,” Jack directed to Geoff as he held out a hand for Michael to shake.

“Sup, Jack?” he shook Jack’s hand firmly.

“How would you feel about just replacing Geoff as host? We don’t need two hosts.” Michael couldn’t tell if Jack was joking, but Geoff just laughed at Jack’s comments. 

Michael relaxed. Okay, he was feeling pretty good about this. 

Geoff clapped his hands together. “Okay so now that introductions are out of the way- time to hear your pitches for the new season.” Oh shit. Forget relaxed. Michael panicked, was he supposed to make a pitch?

But Geoff turned to Michael. “Obviously, I didn’t tell you this was happening, so I don’t expect you to make a pitch today. I figure you can just see how we do things here for the first few episodes you co-host,” he explained.

“Oh thank god,” Michael blurted out. Everyone laughed.

“You can sit on the couch next to Ryan for now, we’ll get you a desk...eventually- if you survive this season,” Geoff pointed toward the couch as he moved to sit on his own desk, foregoing the chair. 

The other crewmembers (minus Ryan) scooted their rolling desk chairs nearer to both Geoff and the couch. They each had a pen and a notepad with the show’s logo on it, which Michael assumed contained their ideas. He felt conspicuously empty handed.

He made accidental eye contact with Ryan and blushed when Ryan glanced down at his hands. “Kerry! Get the new guy a CH notepad!” Ryan shouted toward the still-open door. 

Gavin chimed in, “And a pen!”

Michael’s blush deepened. “Thanks, guys.” He caught the pen and pad that were tossed at him by who he assumed was Kerry. “Thanks, Kerry!” he shouted. 

“You’re welcome, new guy! Just don’t expect this kind of service all the time!” Kerry shouted back.

“Alright, we all good?” Geoff asked. “Let’s get this done. Who wants to go first?” Ray raised his hand. But Geoff wasn’t done talking yet. “And I swear to god, nobody better mention Bigfoot, we’ve done like 5 episodes on it already. I’m looking at you, Jack.” he said pointedly.

“Okay, people love Bigfoot. You know those episodes get views,” Jack went on the defensive. Everybody else just groaned.

“Don’t care, we’re all bored of fuckin Sasquatch.” Geoff motioned for Ray to give his pitch. 

“One word- Megalodon.” Ray paused for dramatic effect.

Gavin burst into laughter. “The extinct giant shark? Ray, we won’t find anything!”

Ray punched him in the arm. “Okay, shut the fuck up Vav, we have lots of episodes where we don’t find anything.” Gavin’s giggles quieted, but he was still smiling. Ray continued, “It’s probably just a big great white, but there ARE eyewitness accounts in Baja California. AND sharks are a pretty big hit with audiences, even if it isn’t an actual Megalodon.” Michael looked around at the others. 

Jack looked like he was considering it, and Ryan just shrugged and started doodling shark fins underneath where he’d written “RAY” in all caps in his notepad.

Gavin jumped in again, this time in support. “Also, now that I think about it, I’m realizing this would totally get us featured during shark week.”

Geoff nodded thoughtfully, “Oh fuck yeah. I do like that. Jack, what do you think?”

“Well, it’s not Bigfoot, but he’s right; it’ll get views,” Jack gave it a thumbs up.

“Okay, it’s on the table. Go write it on the board, Ray.”

Ray fist pumped. “Fuck yes!” As he walked over to write his pitch on the giant whiteboard that was taking up most of one of the walls, Geoff called for the next pitch.

Ryan halfway raised his hand, “Okay so this is nothing like Ray’s idea, but hear me out.” He looked around to meet everyone’s eyes. “Killer bees.” 

There was silence. Ray, still over at the whiteboard, stopped writing to look back at Ryan. 

“Uh-come again?” Geoff’s eyebrows were nearly at his hairline.

“Killer bees- they’re an experiment gone wrong. Some scientists were trying to cross honey bees with African killer bees, and the bees escaped. And now they’re spreading.” Ryan left it at that.

Jack looked skeptical. “Ryan, why does everything you pitch sound like an episode of the X-files?” 

“And is that a problem? What’s wrong with the X-files?” Ryan snapped back.

Geoff stopped them before they could start really arguing. “You know what, you’re insane, but your pitches usually pan out-there are witnesses? This isn’t going to turn into that UFO episode you pitched last season, is it?” he clarified.

Ryan threw up his hands in exasperation. “I’ve apologized for that a million times! This is totally legit, I swear.” 

Geoff let out a long sigh before agreeing. “Well, it’s certainly different. Go write it on the board.” Ray tossed Ryan the marker as he sat back down in his chair.

“Okay, next.” Gavin raised his hand, even as Ryan shoved his chair out of the way so he could get to the board. Geoff ignored him, “Jack?”

“Well, you’re not gonna like my idea.” Jack grinned somewhat evilly. “I think we should do an episode on anacondas. They’re totally in right now- you know they caught one with a guy’s body in it?” 

Geoff groaned and buried his head in his hands. “No! No snakes! You know I don’t do snakes.” 

Ryan spoke up from where he was standing by the whiteboard, “Yeah, but now we have a new co-host.” He pointed at Michael. “I bet HE doesn’t have an irrational fear of snakes.”

Geoff raised his head and glared at them all. “My fear is totally rational!” his voice cracked mid-”rational” causing everyone to crack up. “Fuck all of you. Gavin. Does your pitch have anything to do with snakes?”

“Nope!” Gavin said cheerfully. “I’d never do that to you, Geoff.” he joked. “It’s actually-”

“Don’t even care, as long as it’s not snakes,” Geoff hopped off his desk. “You motherfuckers just write whatever you want on the board. I’m gonna go get a drink.” He was out the door before anyone could say a word.

“Geoff, you- come on, you never listen to my pitches at these meetings!” Gavin was getting up to write it on the board anyway. He defiantly wrote “SNAKES” underneath his pitch, “There you go, Jack.” 

“Aww, thanks Gavin.” Jack started pushing both his and Gavin’s chairs back to their desks. “Just for that, I’ll get your chair for you.” 

After that, they pretty much all went back to whatever they’d been doing before Michael came in. He turned to the closest person, who happened to be Ryan. “Um, so what now?”

“I’m gonna assume Geoff and Jack have told you basically nothing.”

Michael nodded. “You would be correct.”

“Well, eventually, Geoff’ll come back in here with some sort of alcoholic beverage, and he and Jack will tell us which pitch we’ll do first. Then basically we all do research and plan and all that boring shit. You probably won’t be doing much just yet.” Ryan just shrugged and turned back to his laptop.

Great. “Sooo I’m just dead weight for now.” 

Ryan didn’t even look up. “Exactly.”


	2. Dinosaur of the Congo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael's first episode is not exactly what he would call a success

They ended up filming Gavin’s episode first-Michael had no idea what criteria Geoff used to pick the order, but he sure as hell wasn’t gonna argue on his very first episode. So now they were in the Congo looking for evidence of some dinosaur, or at least some creature that the locals thought was a dinosaur- Gavin kept repeating the name, but Michael kept forgetting.

The scenery was beautiful, Michael couldn’t deny that. Both sides of the river were covered in lush green trees and the overhanging branches created some nice shade. It was still humid and hot and he was being eaten alive. He batted away another mosquito. Ugh. But he was still pretty fucking excited to film this first episode.

They were currently in a run-down little boat puttering down the river toward their campsite, which was still a couple hours away. Ryan and Ray were sitting across from him. Ray had headphones in and was bobbing his head to something, but Ryan was just looking over the side at the tree-covered banks.

Michael looked around for any other members of the crew, but Jack was up by the captain and their interpreter, and Geoff and Gavin were napping-Gavin’s head was resting on Geoff’s shoulder and Geoff had his arm around him. If Michael had known them any better, he would’ve taken a picture for blackmail purposes.

He was pulled from his thoughts by Ryan. “They do that all the time.” Michael nearly jumped. “The cuddling thing,” Ryan clarified. 

“Oh, um. Yeah. I was wondering.” He stuttered awkwardly. Ryan raised an eyebrow and started to turn back toward the landscape.

“You know, I actually really liked that UFO episode,” he hurriedly spat out. “I mean, it was a total mess, but you guys were hilarious. All that sniping at each other and fuckin’ around.” Ryan was just staring at him. Michael had no idea what he was thinking. Probably he couldn’t believe what an idiot Michael was.

Finally, Ryan smiled slowly. “Thanks, man.” And then he started talking. “Geoff will probably never get off my back about that episode. He was so pissed.” 

“Dude what happened that you didn’t show in the episode? You gotta tell me everything.”

And surprisingly, Ryan did.  
\-----------------  
“You’re not even tryin’, Michael!” Gavin lowered the camera from where he’d been pointing it at Michael. 

“I am trying, okay? I just can’t say the stupid name!” At this point, Michael was getting frustrated with both himself AND Gavin. To make matters worse, Ray was standing right next to Gavin, just watching him fuck up. It seemed like they were all standing around just watching; even Jack and Geoff were pretending to write notes on a clipboard under a huge tree in the background.

“Do you guys not have anything better to do?” He asked pointedly.

Jack and Geoff laughed good-naturedly. Jack took pity on Michael, “Alright, Ray. Come on, let’s go. You can get some B-roll of me and Geoff shootin’ the shit.” He grabbed a protesting Geoff by the hood of his raincoat and pulled him back toward the cluster of tents that was their campsite.

Ray followed, not requiring any convincing. “Good luck, guys.” And then he left, leaving Michael alone with Gavin and Ryan, who was holding a large boom mic just out of frame.

“Maybe just don’t even say the name, yeah?” Gavin suggested. “We’ll just scrap that. Geoff can say it, you can just say like, ‘this cryptid’ or whatever.” 

Ryan was nodding. “We’ll just work around it, it’s totally fine.”

Michael was so embarrassed. “Are you sure? I feel like such an idiot right now.” He wished the hood of his raincoat would hide his stupid blush.

Ryan didn’t seem to care. “I wouldn’t worry about it, Geoff fucks up tons of things we have to edit out- Right, Gavin?” 

Gavin laughed, “Don’t tell Geoff, but that’s actually true. I mean, we all do it, a lot of shit gets cut cause we’re dumbasses.” He hefted the camera higher.

Ryan jumped in again. “You’re new. Don’t sweat it.” Michael wished that made him feel more competent.

“Look, this is just borin’ intro stuff. Don’t get discouraged just yet. Tomorrow we’ll get to the interviews and hikin’ around and shit.” Gavin peered at Michael around the eyepiece. “And you are definitely gonna have to do the interviews-Geoff hates those. So that’s when you should start gettin’ discouraged.”

Michael closed his eyes and sighed. Being the new guy sucked.  
\-----  
Michael opened his eyes to the sound of Gavin’s laughter. “Fuck me.” He moaned. He was staring straight up at green leaves and blue sky.

“I am SO keeping this footage in the episode, just FYI.” Michael glared up at Gavin, who was still pointing the camera at him. He was sure that the effect was much less menacing than he intended, as he was now covered in mud and who knows what from the jungle floor. 

Just then, Ray and Ryan came through the trees to Michael’s left. And, joy of all joys, Ray’s camera also caught him laying on his back in the mud. Unlike Gavin, the asshole, Ray actually turned off the camera. Or at least pointed it away from Michael.

Michael just sighed and closed his eyes. Until he heard giggling. For once, it wasn’t Gavin or even Geoff. His eyes snapped open in surprise to see that it came from Ryan of all people. The gent was even hunched over, he was laughing so hard. It was fucking infectious.

Michael could feel the edges of his mouth beginning to curl up in a smile. 

And then Jack and Geoff appeared behind Ray and Ryan. And immediately burst into laughter. Michael’s smile died.

“Holy dicks, what do we have here?” Geoff didn’t try to hide his amusement. “Tell me you got it on camera, Gav.”

“Are you doubting me? Come look, I’m still recording. I even got Ryan bloody giggling.” Gavin beckoned him over. Geoff walked around Michael toward Gavin to check out the footage.

“Okay, wow, you guys have never seen a guy fall on his ass,” Michael snarked at them. “I’m so happy to be a source of amusement for you assholes.”

Jack spoke up from where he was now wiping away tears of laughter, “Is no one gonna help him up?” Michael noticed Jack himself did not offer to help, or do a damn thing. They were all assholes.

Ray finally stepped up, since it was obvious nobody else was going to. “I thought it was an interesting strategy for catching a mokele mbembe,” Ray teased as he offered him a hand up. 

“Thank you- you’re my new favorite,” there was a disgusting squelching noise as Michael’s body separated from the mud. He stood very carefully, legs and arms wide apart. His cargo pants and rain coat were absolutely ruined.

“New favorite? What do you mean, new? Everybody knows-” Geoff abruptly smacked Gavin in the dick. 

Gavin squawked and dropped to his knees. He very nearly dropped the camera, but Geoff caught and steadied it. “Geoff what the fuck!” Geoff gave him a pointed look and his complaints quieted to muffled curses. 

Geoff turned to Michael and looked him up and down. “Well, dude, looks like you’re gonna have to keep hiking in those clothes unless you wanna take a swim in the river,” he gestured toward the bank of the river. Which was infested with both crocs and hippos. Asshole.

He looked around at the others’ still-smiling faces and resigned himself to quitting after just 1 season.


	3. Megalodon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael loses his shit over a banana hammock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the wooOoOoorst. Apologies for totally dropping off the map! Now, this chapter has not been edited, so I might go back later and fix some things, but I'll post what I got. (No promises on when the next chapter will be up, I have nothing so far.)
> 
> Happy Shark Week!

Diving with sharks, at least so far, seemed to be not so bad. It was way better than the Killer bees episode-which Michael didn’t even want to think about. The bee stings had physically faded, but not so much mentally and emotionally. 

The boat itself was fucking amazing and completely worth all of Michael’s irritation with the rest of the crew. And so far he’d been able to enjoy it, because he wasn’t actually needed by the rest of the crew. They’d set down anchor in Baja California for their first shoot, and the rest of the crew was off getting the equipment ready. Michael felt useless, but as he sunned himself on the deck, he really couldn’t complain. At least, not about the boat.

He had been expecting to be the butt of all their jokes for a while, but it was starting to get old. Michael knew he had a bit of a temper problem, but it was getting hard to keep from snapping. Mainly at Gavin, who seemed way too eager to crack jokes when Geoff was paying attention.

Michael opened his eyes and pulled his sunglasses down his nose to sneak a peek at Ray, who was fiddling with a submarine camera at the table, half-in his wetsuit like Michael himself and most of the others.

Gavin loudly cleared his throat and Michael jumped, spinning around. Why was it always Gavin catching him out? Gavin winked obnoxiously. “Whatcha doin’ there boi?”

Michael glared back at him and took a deep breath. “Just catchin’ some rays, Gavin. What are you doing up here?”

“I actually need to test out the camera in the water here, you know, check out lighting and shit,” he said, knocking on the side of his large video camera, now encased in a hard plastic waterproof case. “You wanna be my guinea pig?”

“Of course, I’m down.” No matter how irritated he was with Gavin at the moment, it would still be nice to get in the water.

Gavin held up a finger. “Hold on, I need another person to be a stand-in for Geoff, too.” He glanced to Ray, who was looking up interestedly. “Team Lads adventure?” 

Michael perked up at the mention of the lads. Though Gavin and Ray could be total assholes, the three of them actually had fun when they hung out together. They’d even hung out a few times outside of work. 

“Please, I’m so fuckin bored.” Ray nearly threw his drone down on the table, he got up so fast.

Ray didn’t even hesitate before grabbing all the parts on the table and heading inside, “I’m gonna toss this on my bunk. On my way back I’ll grab one of the gents and make ‘em help us put on all the gear and shit.”

Michael hoped he’d get Ryan- Not that he didn’t like Jack or Geoff. They were totally cool and hilarious. It was just that Ryan didn’t make him feel like an idiot all the time. And he understood what it was like to be the new guy. And whatever. He didn’t need to go into detail about why Ryan was his favorite gent.

He sat up and walked over to where Gavin was checking the diving equipment. “Need any help?”

“Sure, mate. Grab yourself a tank.” Gavin tossed a mask his way and gestured for him to pick up an air tank.

Michael had zipped up his wetsuit and pulled on his air tanks when Ray returned from belowdecks with Geoff (Michael was totally fine with it not being Ryan. Totally.).

“Alright, lads, let’s get this show on the road,” Geoff said, pausing by Michael to check his tanks while Gavin helped Ray slip his equipment on.

“Looks good,” Geoff said, clapping Michael on the shoulder and heading over to do the same for the other lads.

Once Geoff was satisfied with all their equipment (and had nearly choked Gavin with the zipper on his wetsuit), it was time to get in the water.

Gavin went in first, Geoff carefully handing him the camera and giving him a thumbs up before he disappeared from Michael’s view. Then Ray went in, just as uneventfully. Finally, it was Michael’s turn to get in the crystal clear blue water.

But Geoff stopped him with a smirk. “Try not to let Gav film you doing something humiliating this time, alright?”

Michael didn’t even have time to glare before Geoff shoved him in the water.

\-----  
Michael breathed deeply through the respirator and tried to stay calm. There were no sharks around yet, thank God. But just chilling in a shark cage hanging below the boat was still so eerie. The ocean stretched out in every way, no matter where he looked.

Ryan’s voice crackled to life in his ear, “Earth to Michael, are you even listening to me?” Michael jumped and turned to look at the gent, who was right next to him in the cage.

“What? Oh, yeah, sorry. It’s just, this is creepy, right?” Michael gestured all around them. “I feel so vulnerable!”

Michael couldn’t tell what Ryan’s face was doing, but he hummed in agreement. 

“So as the new guy, I’m basically the guinea pig for all the equipment? Like if this fails and a shark eats me, you just wanna make sure Geoff is still alive?”

That startled a laugh out of Ryan. “Maybe Gavin wants to keep Geoff alive, but uh, I reckon you’re cuter, so…”

Michael couldn’t help his blush. Thank God Ryan couldn’t see it.

“Alright, we got our first great white coming up. He’s not a super big one, so probably won’t make the final cut, but still. We’re not filming, but the audio is recording.” Ryan warned him.

Michael turned to where Ryan was pointing. “Holy fuck, ohmygod.” He guessed the shark was about 10 feet long, which he realized wasn’t impressive as far as great whites went, but it was the first time Michael had actually seen a shark in open water.

The shark slowly meandered toward them. It was awesome and terrifying. Michael had the urge to grab Ryan’s hand, but really didn’t want to seem like a wimp.

When the shark brushed up against the cage, Michael gave into the urge. Ryan didn’t say a word, just gently squeezed his hand.

Michael would never stop blushing.

\-----

Michael stared at the scrap of fabric in his hand. What the… Gavin. This had to be Gavin. The other lad had been annoying him since he joined the crew.

Michael stomped out onto the deck where Gavin, Ryan, and Jack were. Ryan was chumming the water to attract sharks for Geoff and Ray, who were filming in the cage below the boat. 

Michael ignored him and continued angrily over to where Jack and the other lad were watching the footage from Ray’s camera on a tiny screen. 

He yanked Gavin out of his seat without any warning. 

“What the fuck, Michael?” Gavin shoved him away. 

Michael waved the bright yellow...thing…he’d pulled from his drawer in his face. “I’m gettin’ real sick of your fucking jokes, Gavin! Where’s my wetsuit?”

Gavin laughed. “Is that a speedo?” he asked incredulously.

“You know it is! You took my wetsuit and replaced it with...this!” Michael took a threatening step forward. Gavin quickly stepped back. 

Gavin held up his hands placatingly, “I didn’t do anything with your wetsuit, boi, I swear.” Michael hesitated, but only for a second. He was too angry to stop now. He knew Gavin was a fantastic liar; he could definitely be lying about this. 

Ryan started to interrupt them, but Michael spoke over him.

“I know you wanna impress Geoff, but God this is pathetic,” he spat.

Gavin’s arms fell. “Excuse me?” 

Michael looked around him. Jack and Ryan were staring at them with wide eyes, frozen in place. He gestured toward them angrily.

“Everyone can see it! You’re so desperate for Geoff’s approval, it’s honestly embarrassing. He’s never gonna want you like you want him.” And that did it. Gavin’s chin went up and he took a step forward.

This time Michael had to stop himself from stepping back. He’d never seen Gavin angry before, and he was kind of regretting starting the fight.

Gavin jabbed him in the chest. “At least I don’t have huge hard on for a guy I barely even know! Yeah, I mean Ray. Ever since you got here, the heart eyes have been so obvious.” Gavin sneered, “You’re just a fan with a stupid crush.” 

There was a moment of shocked silence, and Michael realized that Jack and (more importantly) Ryan had heard everything.

“Shut up!” Michael snarled. 

And then he shoved Gavin. Hard. In the split second before the shove actually made contact, it felt good.

But then Gavin was stepping backward with the momentum of the shove. His foot caught in the submarine’s cord and he fell backward, arms flailing, unable to catch himself.

He slammed into the freshly chummed water.

There was a split second of horror before everyone jumped into action. Ryan dropped everything. The ladle fell into the bucket of chum and splashed fish guts everywhere. He and Michael surged forward and reached into the water, both grabbing ahold of Gavin’s outstretched arms and yanking him from the bloody water. Jack was there, grabbing Gavin’s torso and pulling him onto the boat. The four of them landed hard on the deck of the boat in a tangle of limbs.

Nobody said a word. All three other men were staring at Michael in various levels of accusation. Ryan finally got up to search for a towel for Gavin, leaving the three of them still sitting on the deck. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Michael blurted out. He made eye contact with the others. Both Jack and Gavin were still watching Michael warily.

The radio buzzed loudly, Geoff asking Jack to pull the cage up. Jack stood and left the two lads to their conversation, all without saying a word.

“I shouldn’t have shoved you. And I shouldn’t’ve said all that shit. I know I’m probably fired, but please don’t hate me,” Michael begged Gavin.

Gavin was slow to respond. “It was an accident, I get that. And...I said some things I regret, too.” Gavin winced and looked around to make sure Jack wasn’t paying attention to their conversation. “I was just mad because you were right. About my...feelings...for Geoff.”

“For what it’s worth, you were right about me, too. I mean, at first. Ray’s hot, you know.” Michael took a deep breath and decided that Gavin deserved the truth after being dumped in chum. “But I shoved you because I was embarrassed Ryan was listening to you, and that he might believe you.” 

Gavin’s wary glare finally softened a bit, but before he could say a word, Ryan was back with a towel. He wrapped it around Gavin’s shoulders and went to help Jack winch the cage up the last few feet.

Once the cage was above the surface, Geoff was clambering out and ripping off his equipment. He quickly surveyed the scene- taking in the wet and bloody Gavin, as well as Michael kneeling on the ground in front of him.

“What the fuck happened?” Geoff demanded as he rushed to Gavin’s side. Ray made his way out of the cage but stayed over by Jack and Ryan. The two gents kept their mouths shut when Geoff looked their way.

Michael didn’t bother trying to defend himself, and he didn’t expect the others to, either. He just closed his eyes and prepared to be ripped a new one.

“Well? Somebody better fucking say something,” Michael shrank back from Geoff’s anger.

Gavin finally responded, shocking Michael. “I fell in.” Michael’s eyes snapped open, but Gavin was looking at Geoff.

“You fell in?” Geoff sounded extremely doubtful. 

“I tripped on the submarine cord, and in I went,” Gavin lied without missing a beat. Geoff squinted at him dubiously before finally wrapping an arm around his towel-clad shoulders.

“Well, whatever happened, you should wash this blood off,” Geoff stood and pulled Gavin to his feet with him. He gently pushed the lad in the direction of the shower. Once Gavin had disappeared into the cabin, he turned on the others, settling his gaze on Michael.

“So that’s the story, huh?” Geoff challenged. Michael gulped, but didn’t look away.

Jack startled them out of their stare-off by clearing his throat. “If that’s what Gavin says happened, that’s what happened,” he said evenly. 

Geoff watched Michael for a few seconds longer before exhaling loudly and rolling his eyes skyward. He rubbed a hand over his beard and headed after Gavin without a word to anyone else.

“Um?” Ray looked bewildered. 

Nobody bothered to answer him. Ray threw his hands up in exasperation and angrily pulled the sub from the water. He stomped inside.

“That shit can’t happen again, Michael. Alright? You’re getting a pass this time.” Jack followed Ray, leaving Michael and Ryan alone.

“Ry-” But Michael was quickly interrupted. 

“I did it,” Ryan said abruptly.

Michael blinked. “What?”

“I swapped out your wetsuit for that speedo,” Ryan spat out, all without meeting his eyes. And then Ryan was gone, too.


	4. Man-Eating Snakes (Pt. 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go about filming the next episode, but the dynamic is totally off.

The very next episode they filmed a couple weeks later was the anaconda one, which meant that Geoff was already in a bad mood. And he wasn’t the only one. Normally, the time the crew spent together off-camera was full of jokes, innuendo, and complaints. 

That was definitely not the case in the Land Rover they were all currently crammed into. The whole dynamic was off.

Michael was sitting in the very back of the truck next to Gavin, who after the apologies they’d exchanged, had ceased any pranks. 

In front of them were Ray, Ryan, and Jack. Ray was craning behind him, trying to snatch his DS back from Gavin. Jack was loudly arguing with someone on the phone, and Ryan just looked determined not to talk to anyone. 

That left Geoff sitting up front, which was unusual in and of itself. Jack, as producer/logistics guy, usually sat shotgun. (It certainly would have been a lot easier to ignore the loud phone call if he had still been up there.) Based on their awkward interactions, it seemed to Michael that Geoff was sitting up front to be as far away from Gavin as he could. 

And that was probably partly Michael’s fault. Gavin must’ve admitted his feelings or something to Geoff after Michael threw them in his face.

Well, at least Gavin had bigger balls than Michael did. He had yet to look Ryan in the eye since the last episode. He was so embarrassed. And even when Michael tried, Ryan basically ran away.

He groaned as the Rover slammed over another dip in the dirt road. 

From the middle seat, Ray cleared his throat. “So are we gonna take bets on how long Geoff’ll last?” 

Gavin started nervously giggling.

Jack chimed in, “I’m gonna say less than two minutes.”

Gavin choked on a laugh. Everybody else forced a chuckle except Geoff, who just rolled his eyes.

“C’mon guys, Geoff can last more than two minutes,” Michael surprised himself by saying. If Gavin wasn’t gonna do it, Michael supposed somebody had to suck up to Geoff.

Gavin couldn’t stop giggling, “Do you guys even know what you’re saying? About Geoff’s uh… snakehandling abilities?”

Geoff was face-palming up front, but Michael thought he might be smiling.

Everybody was laughing more genuinely now, even the driver who barely knew them.

“So perceptive when it comes to dick jokes, so oblivious when it comes to everything else,” Ryan snarked over the laughter, grinning.

Michael felt a smile spread across his own face in response.

Then Ryan met his eyes in the rearview mirror and dropped the smile immediately before quickly looking away.

So, still awkward.  
\-----------------  
Luckily, their first stop was a local zoo in Caracas, with air conditioning and everything.

Michael was taking advantage of the break he had by moving (and therefore sweating) as little as possible. He was sitting on an uncomfortable folding chair and watching Geoff nearly hyperventilate across the room. 

The reason for said hyperventilation was pretty clear. One wall of the room was completely covered by terrariums of various sizes. Which all contained reptiles of various sizes. Including snakes. So yeah, Geoff wasn’t happy.

Should he do something? The others were in and out of the room, hauling equipment, but nobody was actually paying attention to Geoff.

He wasn’t sure how Geoff would react to him starting a conversation; the gent had been a bit standoffish since the last episode, for obvious reasons.

When he had just reluctantly stood up to at least distract Geoff, Gavin and Ryan walked in, carrying the last of their shit. Oh thank god. He plopped back down in his chair and settled down to watch them.

“Jack’s on his way with the snakehandler,” Ryan started to tell Geoff before realizing that Geoff was freaking out. “Uh oh.”

Gavin’s head snapped up from where he was unzipping his camera bag. “Geoff?” 

Geoff just pinched the bridge of his nose and didn’t answer.

Gavin stood up and closed the distance between them in two strides. He was wrapping his fingers around Geoff’s wrist and pulling his hand away from his face before Geoff could snap at him. 

Then he was murmuring something, probably something comforting, but Michael was kind of glad he couldn’t actually hear it because Ryan certainly looked awkward. It did seem to be working though- Geoff was breathing normally now. 

Jack, Ray, and the aforementioned snakehandler were laughing loudly when they came through the door. “And there’s the scaredy-cat I told you about!” Jack said, pointing at Geoff.

Geoff hastily shook Gavin off and took a step away from both him and Ryan. He glared at Jack, “I said I’d hold a damn snake, what more do you want from me?” He angrily crossed his tattooed arms in front of his chest.

The snakehandler was much more understanding than the crew. “I’ll be here the whole time. Nothing is going to happen,” she said soothingly.

Geoff breathed in deeply and nodded. “Can we just get this over with?”

Ryan and Gavin jumped into action; outfitting Geoff with a mic and setting up the tripod respectively.

Jack motioned Michael over. “You probably won’t have to do anything, but be prepared to jump in for Geoff, alright?” 

Michael nodded and turned to Ray as Jack walked away.

“Geoff is crankier than ever, amirite?” Michael murmured.

“Dude, everybody is crankier than ever. It’s been tense.” Ray answered.

Michael was silent for a second as they watched the snakehandler pull a baby anaconda out of one of the glass terrariums lining the wall. 

Honestly, totally not terrifying. It actually was pretty cute, if snakes could be called cute.

She gestured for Geoff to hold out his hands.

Geoff gave the others one last pleading look before resignedly holding both hands out. 

“You’re doing great, Geoff, just say your lines,” Jack said soothingly. 

Geoff just glared at him. “Stop patronizing me.” He then starting spouting out some facts about anacondas that Michael really didn’t care about, like how big they got and what they ate. All the while he was holding the snake awkwardly far away from his body.

But the snake was squirming around, trying to wrap around his wrists or crawl up his arms. Once again, Geoff looked close to panic. 

He stuttered on the next line and there was a moment of silence.

Jack looked back at Michael, getting ready to motion for him to come grab the snake and finish up the scene.

But Gavin spoke up. “I’m- we’re right here, Geoffers. You’re not scared of a baby snake.”

Geoff took a deep breath and nodded shakily. He looked back into the camera and continued with his lines.

Jack waved Michael away with a relieved grin. 

Michael elbowed Ray in the side and continued their quiet conversation. “So the uh, tense atmosphere. Does this happen often or is it my fault?”

Ray turned and looked at him. “Look, I don’t know. I can tell you we don’t usually have many issues with each other. I mean, yeah we have disagreements,” he admitted, “But they’re not like secret, ya know? Sometimes we even play ‘em up for the camera. This is kinda different. Ryan and Geoff both seem pissed at you. And I honestly don’t know why. ”

Ray continued before Michael could jump in, “I will say that the tension between Geoff and Gavin is probably not your fault.” Ray grinned. “That will they/won’t they has been going on for years,” he joked.

Michael didn’t know what to say.

“I wouldn’t confront them. It’ll blow over or they’ll say something to you,” Ray just shrugged. “Nothing you can do, new guy.”

“If you say so,” Michael said doubtfully.

“I do,” Ray was emphatic. “Now come grab some footage of the rest of the zoo with me,” he commanded, holding up his camera. “I’m tired of watching this.”

“Alright, alright, you don’t have to twist my arm,” Michael grinned and looked away, only to catch Ryan watching them before he quickly turned back to holding the boom mic over Geoff.  
\------

They all piled back in the Rover the next morning after spending the night in a shitty little hotel in the city. Room assignments, of course, were another source of tension. Usually, they got three rooms: Michael roomed with Ryan, Geoff with Gavin, and Ray with Jack. This time, Geoff told them there was no reason to splurge for an extra room. So the lads ended up in one room, and gents in the other. 

But whatever. Today was Michael’s big day, and he was determined not to ruin it. He was diving with a giant anaconda today, since Geoff (obviously) wasn’t gonna do it.

This episode was really giving him a chance to take the lead in terms of hosting, to really prove himself.

Obviously, Jack knew there was a lot riding on it, too.

When they all climbed out of the Rover and started piling equipment onto the dilapidated fishing boat provided by a local, Jack pulled him to the side to brief him. Again.

“I know we’ve talked about this before, but better safe than sorry,” Jack pulled out his clipboard. “Ryan’s gonna be watching your back while you’re down there, and of course, Gavin is gonna be filming.”

“And it’ll be murky, so be careful with visibility. If you do get into trouble, Ray and Geoff are gonna be ready to hop in, but I don’t expect anything to happen,” he was all business. “Ready?”

“Um, yeah. Definitely.” Fake it till you make it. 

It was a blur after that. Michael found himself herded onto the boat and stuffed into a wetsuit in no time at all.

And then they were getting in the water.  
\----  
The first anaconda Michael saw took him completely by surprise. It just appeared out of the gloom, swimming into his field of vision slowly and ominously. 

He was talking, keeping up a steady stream of narration, but who even knew what he was saying. 

Gavin and Ryan interjected occasionally, making jokes and keeping him on track, so at least he was making some sense.

This was so different from the shark- most of all, because there was no cage protecting him. 

But the snake wasn’t even paying attention to him. Which was a relief. Gavin was filming the monster, and motioning for Michael to move a little closer into the frame.

Ohhhhkay. 

“Think this one could eat someone, Gav?” Michael asked, keeping an eye on the anaconda.

“Eh, I mean, maybe a kid. He’s huge, but probably not the biggest.” Gavin speculated.

Ryan chimed in from where he was making sure nothing snuck up on Gavin, “Yeah, he’s pretty average- maybe a 13 footer?”

“Holy shit,” Michael muttered, “average my ass.”

The huge snake was laying still on the riverbed now. Its tongue flickered out occasionally, but it made no acknowledgement of Michael or the crew.

Michael held himself still in the murky water, about 5 feet from the giant. “Well, you heard the man. Looks like we’re still on the hunt for a monster,” he said directly to the camera.

“After swimming with this guy, you think you can handle a real monster?” Gavin joked.

Ryan interjected before Michael could respond. “Oh, I’m sure he thinks he can handle it.” 

“Oh, I’ll handle you,” Michael retorted. Ryan snorted, but Michael smiled. Ryan was talking to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter is divided into 2 parts, the second of which will be up soon!)


	5. Man-Eating Snakes (Pt. 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit hits the fan and then even more shit hits the fan

And the hunt was on. Geoff would've been happy to just forget about it, but Jack was determined not to leave Venezuela without footage of a true man eater.

They’d been in touch with a local fisherman who knew where there was a large nest. The guy hadn’t seen the snake, but said it had to be huge. And so far, that was their best lead.

Unfortunately, this meant they had to make most of their trek on foot through the jungle. 

Michael adjusted the straps of his backpack for the thousandth time. Still didn’t make him any less sweaty and exhausted.

They were hiking single file on a narrow path on the side of a mountain. Well, it was more just like a big hill. But Geoff still had them all clip themselves onto a rope that joined them together, stretching from Geoff all the way to Ray. 

Geoff wasn’t all that worried that anyone would fall, but it made them look more legit on camera.

Geoff might not have been worried, but it was starting to drizzle and Michael didn’t have a good history with mud and cameras. And this time, everybody was lugging around heavy packs and equipment.

The heat was making everyone irritable, but they were all trying to make an effort for the camera.

Geoff and Jack were in the lead, followed by Gavin. Gav had his camera out, and was recording the two men bitching about snakes (Geoff) and the oppressive heat (Jack). Every once in a while Gavin would chime in with a smart ass remark, but Geoff remained solidly unimpressed.

Ryan was a few feet behind the cameraman, contributing absolutely nothing to any conversation. Michael was behind him, and then Ray was bringing up the rear, with a go pro strapped to his chest.

Michael turned to Ray and rolled his eyes; the silent treatment was getting old.

Up ahead, the conversation abruptly stopped. In fact, everything stopped. Michael nearly plowed right into the back of Ryan.

When he peered around the taller gent, he could see the issue. Geoff was glaring at Gavin, who was no longer paying attention to the camera. Michael had no idea what happened, but they looked to be on the verge of a huge blow out. 

Michael gulped. 

“Can we just not pretend like everything is fine, Gavin? I can’t do this shit with you right now,” Geoff snapped.

Gavin clenched his jaw and gestured to everyone else. “Can we not air our dirty laundry in front of everyone we know?”

Michael did not want to hear this. “Hey, uh, the cameras are still rolling, guys?”

Mistake. Geoff turned to him now. “How bout you stay out of it?” He turned back to Gavin, then appeared to think better of it and whirled back on him.

“Actually, this does involve you. What the fuck happened on the boat, huh?” Geoff pointed angrily at Michael. “Something happened- everything fucking changed after that episode. Nobody’s telling me anything.”

He turned to each of them in turn, gesticulating angrily. Michael took a step back behind Ryan. 

Jack put a hand on Geoff’s shoulder, “Guys, the cameras are still rolling.” Geoff shook him off and took a step toward Gavin.

“I don’t give a fuck, I just wanna know what he said,” he gestured behind him at Michael, “that made you break up with me.”

There was dead silence in the jungle. Michael’s jaw dropped.

Wait, what? Michael had definitely missed something.

“Holy shit,” Michael heard Ray murmur behind him.

Now Gavin looked embarrassed as well angry. “Fine, Geoff! You’re the one who didn’t want to tell anyone about us, and now you wanna do this in front of them?” He shifted the heavy camera higher on his shoulder, and angrily drew one hand through his hair.

Michael personally would've backed down, but Geoff was undeterred. “Obviously he said something to you! I’m not stupid-”

Gavin didn't even let him finish the sentence. “I love you! Okay? I love you. And he said you don’t love me.” 

Shit. Geoff looked gobsmacked. 

Everyone looked gobsmacked, really. And awkward. 

Gavin was staring at the ground, jaw clenched tight.

The fight went out of Geoff. “Damnit,” he sighed. “Gav-” he reached out for him.

Of course, this was when the sky opened up.

“I hate to interrupt this um- personal conversation, really,” Ryan interjected, “but we should get to the campsite.” 

Jack awkwardly cleared his throat and pulled Geoff to the front of the line. “Top of this mountain, then you can have it out.”

Geoff reluctantly began the climb up the mountain, closely followed by Jack. The rope connecting them eventually forced Gavin to start moving, too. He avoided everybody’s eyes as he slowly started moving.

Ryan turned to Michael and Ray. “What the fuck just happened?” 

Michael started laughing, he just couldn’t help it. Ryan and Ray both actually laughed, too.

At least the ice was apparently broken between him and Ryan.

“I feel like we just entered an alternate universe,” Ray said quietly, shaking his head. 

Ryan and Michael both nodded in agreement. “Who knew the jokes weren't just jokes?” Ryan shrugged and turned to follow Gavin. 

Mistake. 

As soon as Ryan’s foot hit the wet ground, it slid away right under him.

The moments immediately following were almost a blur to Michael. 

As soon as Ryan slipped off the edge of the path, the rope went taut. His weight pulled both Michael and Gavin, the two people connected to him, off their feet and over the edge with him. 

Gavin went first. He’d been facing the other way and was completely unprepared. 

Michael instinctively tried to brace himself, but there was nothing he could do.

Nor was there time for any shouting or warning the others. It was as if he’d been standing next to Ray one moment, then he’d blinked and the world was upside down.

When he truly came to, only seconds after the slip, his foot was jammed painfully into a muddy gap in between two rocks, trapping him upside down. He tried to ignore the pain for now and took a deep breath.

Okay, he just needed to assess his surroundings. And stay calm. 

He could see where they’d slipped off. They weren’t very far down, but it was all mud. It’d be difficult for the others to actually get to them without slipping off themselves.

“Y’alright, boi?” Gavin sounded strained. Michael turned his head and squinted through the pouring rain to see Gavin hanging parallel to him on the cliffside. The camera had been strapped to him, so luckily it hadn’t fallen. Unfortunately, the heavy camera was just dangling from his back and adding to the weight pulling on the rope. 

It took Michael a second, but he realized Gavin sounded so strained because the rope connecting him to Ryan was wrapped around his arm. Michael couldn’t see his arm through the raincoat, but Gavin’s pale face told him it must be painful.

“I’m alright,” Michael groaned. “Where’s Ryan?” Logically, Michael knew Ryan should be between them, and below them, but Michael couldn’t see a damn thing in this rain. 

Before Gavin could answer him, the others were calling down to them from above. 

Geoff was carefully peering over the edge, “You guys okay? Gav?”

“I’m okay,” Gavin called back with a grimace, omitting any mention of his arm, “But Michael’s fucked up his leg and Ryan’s not answering, so something's seriously wrong.”

Michael started. He glanced down (which was technically up for him), but still couldn’t see a thing.

“Shit,” Geoff turned to say something to Jack and Ray, but Michael couldn’t make it out. “Alright, we need to tie the ends of this rope to something, so it’s gonna be a few minutes.” And then he was gone from view.

“Ryan’s unconscious?”

“Well, it’s either that or he’s ignoring us,” Gavin snapped. 

Michael swallowed a retort. “Hey, don’t bite my head off,” he said mildly. 

Gavin took a shallow breath. “Ryan's definitely not moving, I can see him. I don't know anything more than that.” 

Michael tried not to freak out. “Are you alright? Don't bother giving me some bullshit answer about being okay, either. I can see your arm.”

“My arm’s...not exactly 100 percent,” Gavin hesitated, “How’s your leg?” 

Michael shook his head and was immediately nauseous. “Honestly no idea, I think adrenaline must be masking the pain.”

There was a moment of silence. Michael could feel the pain and worry for Ryan creeping back in. Oh god, Ryan. He could be seriously hurt. He could be dead.

Michael needed a distraction.

“Geoff’ll get us out of this, though, right?” 

“He always gets us out of trouble. He’s ex- military, you know. He’ll rally ‘em like troops.” It was reassuring that Gavin still had faith in Geoff even though they were obviously in a bit of a rough spot relationship-wise.

“Speaking of- you and Geoff, huh?” Michael waggled his eyebrows as well as he could.

“Oh god, let’s not do this,” Gavin huffed. 

Geoff called down from above, saving Gavin from any more questions. “Michael, with that leg, you’re coming up first. Ray’s gonna lean over here and help you get it unstuck.”

And then Ray was peering over the top and reaching down. 

“I’m tied to a tree, so you don’t have to worry about me falling on ya,” Ray kept up a steady stream of conversation as he worked his hands into the muddy gap. Michael could tell when Ray had reached under his ankle, because he felt a stabbing pain. 

But that was reassuring, because at least he could still feel it.

“Alright this is gonna hurt like hell,” and Ray was pulling his leg up and out. 

He was not joking about the pain. “Motherfucker!” Michael had to blink the tears from his eyes.

Ray turned back, still holding onto Michael’s leg, “Pull him up!” he shouted to Geoff and Jack.

The rope around Michael’s waist pulled taut and he was rising slowly. Ryan’s weight below him was still weighing him down, but the two gents managed to get him over the edge, with Ray guiding his leg.

And then he was up and over. Ray rolled him away from the edge and grabbed onto the rope connecting him to Ryan, untying him and easing the weight still pulling Michael down. 

Geoff was there, grabbing hold of the rope with Ray, so that Ryan’s weight wouldn’t fall solely on Gavin.

Before Michael could catch his breath, Jack was pulling him away from the edge and pulling his backpack off. When he was definitely safe from falling, Jack briefly inspected his leg. Michael had to look away from what he could see of the swollen mess that was his ankle.

“Think your ankle might be sprained pretty badly, but I’ll have to look at it once we get to camp, okay? When I can get your pants and shoes off. ” Jack patted him on the shoulder with a wink and went to go help the others. 

Though Gavin had been heavier because of the camera, they managed to get him up quickly. Geoff truly did run things like a well-oiled machine. Jack was pulling him over and checking him out in less than five minutes. 

“This might be dislocated, Gav,” Jack frowned as he pulled up the sleeve of the lad’s raincoat. From what Michael could see, at the very least, there was pretty heavy bruising and some serious rope burn. “We really need to get camp set up, damn.” He looked back at Geoff and Ray briefly. 

They’d gotten Ryan up and unstrapped him from his bag, but Michael couldn’t see his face through where Geoff was squatting. 

“He’s breathing, but I can’t wake him,” Geoff called back to Jack. Oh thank god. Michael nearly cried from relief. 

“We’re gonna have to carry him up, we can’t stay here and he’s gotta be our priority in terms of medical attention.” Geoff stood and looked at everyone, all business.

“Here’s the plan- Jack and I are going to have to make a stretcher and carry Ryan up. Ray, you need to go up ahead of us and get a tent set up so we can get him out of the rain.” 

Ray nodded from where he was kneeling next to Ryan and went to untie himself from the tree. “You got it, boss,” he grabbed his pack. “Once I get it up, I’ll head back down to meet you and help whoever needs it.” He immediately set up for the top with a mock salute.

Geoff looked toward Michael and Gavin apologetically, “You two are gonna have to help each other up the mountain.”

Michael groaned but nodded agreeably. “We got it.” He shouldered his pack on, but didn’t try to stand just yet. “Is Ryan gonna be alright?” Michael didn’t want to leave him without knowing.

Geoff softened a bit. “His pulse is strong, I think he’ll be okay,” he hesitated, “I think we do need to get him airlifted to a hospital, though.” He looked to Jack, who nodded in agreement. “And you two could use the medical treatment as well,to be safe,” he said to both lads, though he was only looking at Gavin.

Gavin looked back for the first time since the argument. And kept looking. 

Michael cleared his throat. 

Gavin blinked, “Right. See you all at the top!”

Michael slung an arm around Gavin’s shoulder for balance, and they began their arduous trek.  
\------------  
When Michael and Gavin finally reached the campsite, Ray was just finishing up. He helped them dump their packs in the corner of the tent and then forced Michael to sit in a folding stool inside.

“Sorry Gav, only had one of those in my pack, and the cot’s for Ryan.”

Gavin just waved him off with his good arm. “I've got one in my bag. Plus I do have 2 functioning legs.”

Then Ray was running off to help the gents, and Michael was left to watch Gavin rummage through his bag one-handed. 

“Got any painkillers in there?”

“Nah, Jack and Geoff’ve got the good stuff. Really, we can't take any until they check us out anyway.”

Gav finally pulled out the stool and popped it open after a bit of a struggle. 

As soon as he sat down, the tent flaps were being pulled open again and Jack and Geoff were hauling Ryan in. They didn't bother with getting him off their makeshift stretcher, they just set the whole thing down on the cot. 

Geoff immediately backed out of the way to let Jack do his thing. Michael watched as Ray handed Jack the first aid kit. He itched to reach out to Ryan, to help or anything. 

But Geoff was already kneeling in front of him, handing Gavin a flashlight and unlacing Michael’s shoe. “Just gotta get this off so I can make sure your ankle’s not broken, okay?” 

Geoff was very obviously trying to be gentle, but his ankle had already started to swell. The pain just couldn't be helped. “Hold that steady for me,” he directed to Gavin. 

Geoff was still talking, but Michael let Gavin take on the conversation and zoned out. 

Instead, he watched Jack and Ray examine Ryan instead. Ray was holding a flashlight over Ryan's head so Jack could carefully examine the back of his head and neck. As Michael watched, Jack’s gloved hands came away covered in blood. 

“Hey, are you paying attention?” Geoff snapped his fingers in Michael’s face.

“Sorry, yeah, I'm listening.”

“I said it doesn't look broken, just pretty seriously sprained.” he handed Michael 2 pills. “These are just pain meds-the good ones, and I'll get you a cold pack in a sec. And we gotta elevate it,” he rattled off. 

Michael nodded and dry swallowed the pills. Geoff really was scarily efficient.

Geoff took the flashlight from Gavin and handed it to Michael. “Now you hold this. Just make sure I can see his arm.” Then Geoff was pulling Gavin’s raincoat off, taking special care with his injured arm. 

And that arm looked painful. He heard Geoff suck in a sympathetic gasp. 

“This is definitely dislocated,” Geoff had Gavin’s shirt sleeve pulled up and a palm over his shoulder. “I should set this before it swells anymore.” 

Michael left the flashlight pointed that way, but he didn't want to watch. 

The exact same moment Geoff set Gavin’s shoulder and Gavin bit out a few curses, there was a groan that didn't come from that direction.

Everyone's head snapped in the direction of the cot. 

Ryan was blinking into awareness.

“What happened?” Ryan grumbled. “Get that out of my face, geez.” He batted Ray’s flashlight away.

“Oh thank fuck,” Michael sighed. 

“How ya feelin, Ryan?” Jack asked. 

“Like I fell off a fucking cliff.” he sat up, against Jack’s protests and pressed a hand against the bandage wrapped around his head. “Wow.” He looked around at everyone. “You all look like shit.”

“Good to have you back, Ryan,” Geoff rolled his eyes and spoke over the crew’s almost hysterical relieved laughter.   
\----  
After everyone's injuries had been treated, most of the crew had left the tent. Geoff had pulled Gavin outside to settle their issues, and Michael wasn't sure where Ray had gone, but he'd taken one of the stools. 

They didn't bother setting up another tent, because they were only staying the one night and nobody could be bothered.

Jack had called for a lift to the hospital, but that helicopter wouldn't be able to arrive till the next morning, so they were all gonna cram into the one tent.

Michael had volunteered to stay with Ryan, but they weren't completely alone. Jack was napping on a sleeping back on the other side of the tent.

He was exhausted, too. But he couldn't sleep. He felt like a creep watching Ryan, but whatever. 

“Michael.” Apparently Ryan wasn't as asleep as he thought. He quickly looked away from Ryan’s face before his eyes opened.

“You're staring,” Ryan accused.

“Sorry.” Michael continued awkwardly, “Um- how are you feeling?”

“Well, pretty wonderful since Jack stuffed these pills down my throat.”

He looked back at Ryan. His eyes were still closed. Michael cleared his throat.

“What is it, Mi-?”

“I don't have feelings for Ray,” he blurted out, interrupting Ryan.

Ryan’s eyes snapped open.

“I know you heard what Gavin said on the boat.” Michael continued.

“Uh, yeah, everyone did, Michael.” Ryan was looking at him like he was an idiot.

“Well. He was wrong.”

Ryan was quiet for a minute. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Jesus, Ryan. I want you to talk to me again!” Wasn’t that obvious?

“That’s it?” He sounded skeptical.

“Excuse me? You don't even have a right to be icing me out!” Michael would have jumped to his feet if he thought he could manage it without falling over in pain.

Ryan looked sheepish. “Okay, maybe not.”

“Damn straight.”

“But you really seem to care about me not getting the wrong idea,” Ryan pressed.

“Well, yeah.”

“Why?”

Michael stuttered. “I-because-”

“You know, I think I'm starting to get the right idea now.” Ryan smiled and reached out to grab the collar of his t-shirt.

“Wait-” What?

Ryan pulled him forward and kissed him hard on the mouth. 

It was amazing. For the few seconds it lasted.

Ryan pulled away. 

Embarrassingly, Michael instinctively chased his mouth, like his mouth was fucking magnetic or something.

Ryan cleared his throat. “Michael, do you wanna get coffee sometime when we get back?”

That sounded too good to be true. “Like, a friendly hangout…?”

“Like a date, dumbass.” Fuck yes.

“Okay,” he said with a dopey grin. Then he thought about it. “Wait! I'm still irritated with you for ignoring me!”

“Shhh,” Ryan just pulled him back in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally had a hard time trying to keep these guys in character? I mean, I realize they are real people, but I don't know any of them so they're characters to me.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd the epilogue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all finished! Thank you to everyone for reading and commenting, hope ya liked it!

The hospital didn't keep any of them overnight, so they got hotel rooms for the night (3 this time) and went out for a late dinner back in Caracas once they'd been discharged. 

It also gave them a chance to gather a little more footage for the show, since they hadn't actually found the monster snake they were looking for. They had a lot of time to make up for. The only saving grace (in their producer Burnie’s eyes) was that both Gavin and Ray had been recording when the accident happened. So they'd gotten it all on camera.

And Michael was quickly on his way to being drunk on camera now, and even having to use crutches couldn't ruin his night. 

They were discussing the rest of the season for the camera set up on a tripod by Ray. 

“So, Ray, ready to be primary cameraman for the next episode?” Geoff asked him.

“Only the one though, don't get to used to it, X-Ray!” Gavin jumped in.

Ray jokingly fist pumped. “Yessss I've been waiting my whole life for this moment!” 

“Are you even gonna go with us to the location Gav?” Michael realized nobody had actually mentioned whether Gavin would even be there.

Gavin hesitated and looked to Geoff, “Um, well. I’d be pretty useless, yeah? Burnie will probably want me in the office, editing, anyway.” He shrugged. “So probably not.”

Geoff wasn't having it. “Nah, Gav’ll be there. I'm the boss, and I say so.”

Michael saw Jack roll his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll just strap a gopro to ya, you can operate that one handed, right?”

“I can think of other things he can operate one handed.” Geoff waggled his eyebrows.

Gavin blushed bright red. “Geoff!” He gave the tripod a pointed glare.

“Eh, who cares. You were mad I wanted to keep it between us, now you don't want me to broadcast it?” Geoff downed his whiskey and motioned to the bar for another round of drinks for everyone.

“I didn't mean I wanted us to come out to the whole world!” Gavin squawked.

“Fine, just to our coworkers, then.” he looked around at the others. “Gav and I are dating. Officially, now. Though we’ve been sleeping together for months,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Geoff! The camera is still on!” Gavin shoved an elbow into his side.

“Gavin!” Geoff mocked playfully. “I love you. We ain't breakin up again if I can help it, so just chill.” Geoff pulled Gavin into a drunken sloppy kiss. 

Gavin just laughed and let him. 

Everybody else made mocking gagging noises.

“Honestly I cannot believe this is happening,” Jack shook his head. 

“I can believe it,” Ray joked. 

Michael jumped in before Ray could make a lewd (but definitely hilarious) comment. “But seriously, congrats guys.”

The round Geoff had signalled for arrived, interrupting the conversation briefly.

“While we’re on the topic, and in the interest of not keeping secrets that ruin relationships,” Ryan gave Geoff and Gavin (who were still sloppily making out) a pointed look. “I'm taking Michael out on a date when we get back.” 

“Alright, Ryan!” Geoff pulled himself away from Gavin (Michael imagined there was a sucking noise) to slap Ryan on the back.

“Excuse me, who's to say I'm not taking you out?” Michael pretended to be affronted.

“So I guess this means you have to stay on for another season?” Jack asked. 

Ray called, “Come on, team lads needs you!” Gavin nodded wildly in agreement.

“We could really use you,” Geoff chimed in, “you handled this last episode like a total pro.” 

There was no way Geoff believed that. “Like a pro? I fell off a fucking mountain!” And still had the bum ankle to show for it.

“We’ve all been there,” Geoff shrugged, “You didn’t panic, and you climbed that fucking mountain with a twisted ankle. You did good, lad.” 

Michael blushed at the praise. “You really want me to stick around? I haven't thrown off team dynamics too much?”

Geoff smiled, a little drunk but a lot sincere. “Maybe at first. But now you're one of us. You gotta stay.”

Everyone else nodded in agreement. 

Ryan’s foot nudged his (the uninjured one) under the table. If Michael wasn’t already blushing, he definitely would be now. 

“Alright, alright! I'll stay.” Michael grinned. “But I want a raise for dealing with you dumbasses!”

“Yeah, that ain't gonna happen,” Geoff snorted. 

Jack slapped Michael on the back and he met Ryan's warm gaze across the table. It felt kinda like coming home.


End file.
